»ORAL EXPRESSIONS RECOMMENDED FOR MODERATORS AND SPEAKERS
We use Positive Speech avoiding negative statements which close the door to constructive debate. It is a less aggressive and more conciliatory type of communication. It is useful to open a debate with the points that unite before dealing with the points that separate.
1) ‘Don’t touch that dog or it will bite you’ could be phrased as ‘Be careful with that dog because it could bite you and neither of us would like that.’
2) ‘If we don’t reach a consensus here all efforts will go to waste’ could be phrased as ‘It’s important we reach a consensus in this point or we could end up losing strength as a group and nobody wants that to happen.’
We use Inclusive Speech which makes no gender distinctions. It is clear that force of habit can be hard to break, but it is convenient that between all of us we mutually remind ourselves to remember this.
I feel most fully human and least boxed into ill-fitting categories when referred to by gender-neutral pronouns. How ‘bout you, friend? What’s your androgynous pronoun preference?
Throughout our polyships and nonmonogamous lives, we’ve all learned lots about how to make this lovestyle work and how to trip over failures along the trail to success.
What are some of the nuggets of knowledge you’ve gleaned from experience? What kind of sage advise have you given and/or received?
Some of my latest learnings could be phrased thusly:
The tortoise most often wins against the hare in love’s race. In other words, relating to others at the pace of the most reluctant partner most often tends to bring all parties across the finish line together. Don’t drag the slow pokes behind you or push the speedy ahead - do walk together at a rate where all can keep up without breaking much of a sweat.
Be all talk before, during and after any action. Meaning, talk about your fears, fantasies, expectations, acceptable boundaries, agreements, curiosities, triggers and titillants. Talk about these things before you do anything. Talk about them while you’re doing things. And talk about them after you’ve done things. Talk the talk first before, and during, then after you walk the walk.
A final tidbit of info for ALL lovestyles, including monogamy:
If you wouldn’t do it in front of your partner, don’t do it behind their back. Simple as that. There really isn’t any further explanation needed, is there?
Sometimes you meet people that in some odd way give you hope.
He is homeless. He owns a car, a bike and a didgeridoo. He has dreadlocks and is wearing some kind of poncho. It looks old, worn out. I have seen him walking around in the city a couple of times before. Every time I see him he is…
I’m taking a wild guess at your email address here, so I hope this message finds you, and finds you well. Being that you’re the General Manager of SEPTA, I’d like to introduce myself as a life-long customer who’s been taking buses, the El, the subway, and the occasional Regional Rail line, to and from school and work within my hometown of Philadelphia for at least the past 30 years. While I have thankfully not had the displeasure of witnessing the type of situations I’m about to discuss with you, I have felt quite uncomfortable each time I buy my monthly transpass. While my gender identity is fairly obvious, I accept that is not the case for every one of your customers, and I often think of what hardships those people experience while using your service.
I understand that SEPTA uses gender designation stickers in order to prevent the sharing of transpasses, as that may detrimentally affect your company’s revenue. Though I honestly doubt this been a proven reality as compared to before 1981 when the stickers first started being used. Despite the lack of research in that regard, in my experience these stickers do not actually prevent the sharing of transpasses at all. The stickers merely limit the sharing to those of the same gender, and only in those few cases when those sharing a pass are traveling separately and keeping separate schedules.
The only actual prevention these stickers permit is the prevention of transgendered people from being afforded a safe environment in which to travel. Forcing SEPTA drivers to “gender police” riders is an inappropriate work practice and creates a potentially dangerous situation for all riders. Humiliating a person in public based on a driver’s inability to correctly determine someone’s gender at a glance while trying to do his job safely creates a hostile environment for all on board the vehicle.
Simply put, this is an act of bullying, toward a group that is already severely marginalized and dealing with a high risk of shame and violence directed toward them. When SEPTA continues to uphold such a discriminatory and dangerous policy, it proves the decision makers clearly lack the empathy and emotional intelligence to recognize that there are more than two genders of people who use your service.
There are only two obvious courses of action to remedy this situation. Either remove the gender stickers for everyone, or follow Australia’s lead (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-14926598) by including a third sticker for transgendered people. If the latter decision is adopted, I’d suggest the use of T – alluding to a gender-neutral title of Traveler, or X – referring to the one chromosome we all share).
Please note that I am not transgendered, though I am committed to speaking against civil rights abuses whenever I witness them. I’d appreciate your response to this letter, if you would be kind enough to take the time.
Thank you for reading,
Pollyanna (I used my full given name, actually)
Thank you for sharing your opinion and I agree with you. I also saw the article regarding Australia and we are considering it. Regardless, I plan on addressing this matter soon and have asked my staff for alternatives.
Soon sounds great, do you have a date? Would this be a meeting that’s open to the public?
I’m so glad to hear you agree! I suspect such a change would actually boost your sale of transpasses to the LGBTQ community in particular as well as likely increase ridership and customer satisfaction in general.
It’s too early to tell. Depending on what SEPTA staff proposes,public hearings may be required. The new fare system would eliminate the need for the stickers but implementation could be three years out. I would like to make some revenue modifications prior to implementing the new system . Any changes will be publicized.
My closing for the moment:
Thanks for the information!
I’ll keep my eyes and ears open regarding more immediate changes in this important matter, and I’m looking forward to the new fare system being implemented in a few years.
I’ve got a couple of my own moments which could be featured on this so-sad-it’s-silly blog.
Here’s an example:
He said: Hey sexy I got some1 we can have fun with blue eyes with blonde hair I have pic
I said: Your profile is so cliche I believe this is a threesome spambot. Human beings understand that there is a process to getting to know people.
Not all bots and obliviants (oblivious deviants) are presenting as male, btw. Here’s another:
She said: hi there, check out my profile and let me know if you are interested in trying a 3sum with me and my bf. thanks
I said: Propositioning someone for a threesome with a profile that mentions nothing else makes you reek of obliviousness or bot-hood. I’m not interested in either.
Listen, if you will, to some advice from a unicorn who’s also caught a couple unicorns herself. If you’re looking for us, stop. When we’re looking for you, we’ll call. We’re magical and we can find you, but you rarely ever get to find us.
The strong father-daughter relationship depicted in this play made me cry the whole way home (yes, I have daddy issues). The use of technology was clever but a little more reading time and a slightly larger font would have been appreciated. The ability of the two actors to become every character was not distracting as I expected, but very well done.
9/2 @ 8pm - Afrikaner (FREE)
This mother and musician from South Africa gave a free performance at World Cafe Live that featured a few covers and many original songs, as well as a free gift for everyone in the audience (cleverly hidden with an ice cube).
9/3 @ 1pm - Hear Again Radio Project ($12)
I really love this show - seen it at least two years in a row (maybe even all three). The nostalgia of these shows (despite have been missed due to my youth) managed to raise a lump in my throat. Had a great conversation with Susan (stranger seated next to me) and we both proudly supported Plays and Players Theater.
9/3 @ 6pm - Let Me Tell You About a Dream I Had (FREE)
The parade of unusual bikes from Broad and Pine reminded me to wish some friends a Happy Burn Day in my head, and the gathering at Clark Park thereafter kept the theme of strangeness going. The bicycle-powered ferris wheel (which has been on a boat!) was quite entertaining, and the musicians rocked.
9/3 @ 8:30pm - Five Minute Follies ($10)
I forgot to buy my ticket before hand and this was sold out. Maybe I’ll make another showing in the future.
9/4 @ 7:30pm - The XX Chromosome Genome Project ($22)
This choreopoem is inclusive, inspiring and empowering - last show tomorrow 9/5 @ 7:30. Chapbooks sold for only $5 during the intermission.
9/7 @ 7pm - Lord of the Flies (FREE)
I missed this show, thanks to Hurricane Irene. :(
9/9 @ 8pm - This Is How It Goes ($15)
Despite two main actors having to drop out, the writer/star of this play brought in two professionals who managed to act despite having to read their lines from paper. An intimate, interesting, powerful, provocative and compelling work of art.
9/10 @ 10am-10pm - Gender Reel Festival ($15)
I have two words for ya: Buck Angel. And if you don’t know bupkiss about Buck, then I have three more words for you: trans porn star. Before the brief Buck Angel finale, I enjoyed twelve hours of feature-length and short films, panel discussions, Q&As, art exhibits, and workshops. I may have to volunteer next year!
9/11 @ 8pm - Song of the Sacred Whore ($15)
Sensual, emotional, poetic and passionate - Embrace the whore you are!
9/13 @ 8pm - James Bradford is … Thick ($15)
Sandra Bernhardt would be proud of you James. Good show! And it was great to talk to Joe in the audience (he organized Gender Reel)…
9/14 @ 7pm - One Peace at a Time (FREE)
This was not at all what I’d thought it would be, and I’m glad it was what it was.
9/15 @ 10:30pm - The Witch in the Wood (FREE)
Great to see something like this in a more mainstream kind of setting, with a more mainstream kind of audience. Couldn’t touch my friends at ArcheDream for HumanKind, though… :D Check out www.adhk.org for more information
The storm Air swirls dust in a white out, The art’s burning bright ‘til the Fire’s out, You have only Water you brought in, And Earth has become someplace foreign, Your Spirit is truly transcending For this is the magic Man Burning
I love my prose, even when morose. Have just written a really powerful and powerfully dark journal entry about the dearth of healthy father figures throughout the first half of my life, I’m eventually going to turn it into a poem (see below written on September 8th). I’ve only ever written one poem about my biological dad in particular, and another about all those men who attempted (and failed) to achieve a role of fatherhood with me as a child.
How do others deal with their “daddy issues” as adults? I’m thinking of throwing a funeral - to posthumously honor my childhood. But in the meantime, I sent my dad a birthday card for the first time in my life.
Here’s the poem I wrote a week after this post:
Deal With Dad
Dear Dad, I could not find a greeting card Containing words befit our unique bond Though neither of us means to disregard It’s true that we so seldom correspond
Our history is fraught with pain and fear Your sickness and my sadness harm us both We all have made mistakes, that much is clear So I ask you if we can make an oath:
To heal our future in the present now To speak about our past, but not to dwell To face our fears, acknowledge them, endow Our hearts with empathy, which will expel
The scars and open wounds we need to heal. Let’s work together – do we have a deal?